I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Someone came in the potted fern
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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