Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
