Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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