Umm I'm too high to move.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
