i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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