Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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