Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
