He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
