already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
