The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
