just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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