these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
