oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
