well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish my penis had a tongue
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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