Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sorry my hands just texted you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
