I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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