Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
