its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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