I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
