Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
