I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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