o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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