just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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