she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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