it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
