I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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