I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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