theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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