I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
