Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
