I intend to get homeless drunk
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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