Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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