I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
