My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i came on her dog
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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