i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
