8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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