ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
