Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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