Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
