i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
