she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
