i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
