Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
