I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
