mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
