Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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