Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
