so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
