Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
