i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
two words: eviction party
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
