She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
